you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize