and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
