I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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