Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
