I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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