i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You ruined the universe
Randomize