In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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