so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
