I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
