Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
