Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I intend to get homeless drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
