i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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