You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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