where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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