Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
