I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize