Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
