there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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