They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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