So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
