Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
