he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
