Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
