You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
