i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
