'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
