made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
