you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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