man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
