nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
