and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
