i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
