I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
