Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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