I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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