He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
