I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
