Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
