Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
