remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
