"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
