Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
