I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
