i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
