Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
