dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
