Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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