Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
