Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
