I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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