Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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