Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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