Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
