Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Found the puke drawer
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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