Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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