We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
