Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
