Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he shaved USA in his pubs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
