Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
