I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
